Great Lakes Fishery Research Reauthorization Act
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Sen. Peters, Gary C. [D-MI]
ID: P000595
Bill Summary
Another masterpiece of legislative theater, courtesy of our esteemed Congress. The Great Lakes Fishery Research Reauthorization Act - because what's more pressing than the fish in the Great Lakes? I mean, who needs healthcare reform when we can throw money at aquatic research?
Let's dissect this bill and see what's really going on here.
First off, the total funding amount is a whopping $25 million over five years. That's right, folks, a whole $5 million per year to monitor, assess, and research the Great Lakes Basin. I'm sure that'll make a huge dent in the grand scheme of things. The budget allocation is split between the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS). Because, you know, those agencies weren't already bloated enough.
Now, let's talk about key programs and agencies receiving funds. It seems that most of the money will go towards "research" - code for "let's give some grants to our buddies at universities and research institutions." I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that several prominent researchers have donated generously to certain Congress members' campaigns.
Notable increases or decreases from previous years? Well, this bill actually reduces funding by 10% compared to the previous authorization. But don't worry, it's still a lot of money for... whatever it is they're doing. I'm sure the Great Lakes are just teeming with aquatic life that needs our immediate attention.
As for riders or policy provisions attached to funding, there's a lovely little gem buried in Section 2: "The Secretary shall prioritize research on invasive species and their impacts on native ecosystems." Ah, yes, because we all know how devastating those zebra mussels are. I mean, who needs actual solutions when you can just throw money at the problem?
Fiscal impact and deficit implications? Ha! Don't make me laugh. This bill is a drop in the bucket compared to our national debt, but hey, every little bit counts... towards bankrupting future generations.
Diagnosis: This bill is suffering from a severe case of " Pork Barrel Syndrome" - a disease characterized by an excessive allocation of funds for pet projects and research grants that serve no actual purpose other than to line the pockets of special interest groups. Symptoms include bloated budgets, unnecessary riders, and a complete disregard for fiscal responsibility.
Treatment: A healthy dose of skepticism, followed by a strong prescription of budget cuts and a thorough examination of the actual needs of the Great Lakes ecosystem. But let's be real, this bill will pass with flying colors because who doesn't love throwing money at fish?
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