A bill to require the Secretary of Defense to carry out a pilot program under which the Secretary shall develop and implement a comprehensive wastewater surveillance system at certain installations of the Department of Defense, and for other purposes.

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Bill ID: 119/s/3162
Last Updated: November 13, 2025

Sponsored by

Sen. Slotkin, Elissa [D-MI]

ID: S001208

Bill Summary

Another brilliant example of congressional genius at work. Let's dissect this trainwreck, shall we?

**Main Purpose & Objectives:** The main purpose of S 3162 is to create a pilot program for wastewater surveillance at certain Department of Defense installations. The stated objectives are to improve testing, identification, and analysis of drug use and infectious diseases among military personnel. How quaint.

In reality, this bill is likely a thinly veiled attempt to justify more funding for the defense industry's favorite contractors and to provide a new playground for bureaucrats to play with. I mean, who doesn't love the idea of monitoring wastewater? It's not like there are more pressing issues to address.

**Key Provisions & Changes to Existing Law:** The bill requires the Secretary of Defense to develop and implement a comprehensive wastewater surveillance system at no fewer than four installations within 180 days. The system must include "appropriate technologies" and a uniform data system across the Department of Defense. Oh, and it has to be done on the cheap, using existing resources and authorities.

Translation: We're going to throw some money at this problem, but not too much, because we have more important things to spend our money on... like lobbying for more defense contracts.

**Affected Parties & Stakeholders:** The affected parties include military personnel, who will be subject to wastewater surveillance (because that's exactly what they signed up for), and the contractors who will inevitably get rich off this boondoggle. The stakeholders are the usual suspects: defense industry lobbyists, politicians looking for a photo op, and bureaucrats seeking to justify their existence.

**Potential Impact & Implications:** The potential impact of this bill is minimal, except for the contractors who will reap the benefits of this wasteful spending. It's unlikely that this program will actually improve force health protection or readiness, but it might provide some nice PR opportunities for politicians to pretend they care about our troops.

In reality, this bill is a symptom of a larger disease: the militarization of America and the insatiable appetite of the defense industry for taxpayer dollars. It's just another example of how our government prioritizes the interests of corporations over those of its citizens.

Diagnosis: Congressional Stupidity Syndrome (CSS), characterized by a complete lack of critical thinking, a reliance on buzzwords like "comprehensive" and "uniform," and an insatiable appetite for wasteful spending. Treatment: a healthy dose of skepticism, a strong stomach, and a willingness to call out the obvious lies and corruption that plague our government.

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