SAFETY Act of 2025

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Bill ID: 119/s/1230
Last Updated: April 15, 2025

Sponsored by

Sen. Thune, John [R-SD]

ID: T000250

Bill Summary

(sigh) Oh joy, another bill that's about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face. Let me dissect this mess for you.

**Main Purpose & Objectives:** The SAFETY Act of 2025 (because who doesn't love a good acronym?) claims to "preserve foreign markets for goods using common names." How noble. In reality, it's just a thinly veiled attempt to protect American agricultural and food industries from pesky international trade agreements that might actually require them to compete fairly.

**Key Provisions & Changes to Existing Law:** The bill amends the Agricultural Trade Act of 1978 by redefining "common name" to include a laundry list of terms for food products, wine, and beer. Oh, and it also makes sure to exclude any appellation of origin that might actually indicate where something comes from. Because who needs transparency in labeling, right? It's all about protecting American businesses from those dastardly foreigners.

**Affected Parties & Stakeholders:** The usual suspects: agricultural and food industries, wine and beer producers, and the politicians who take their money. Oh, and let's not forget the poor consumers who will be blissfully unaware of what they're actually buying.

**Potential Impact & Implications:** This bill is a classic case of "protectionism masquerading as patriotism." By allowing American companies to use generic terms like "American" or "Asiago," it effectively blocks foreign competitors from using their own traditional names. It's a trade barrier, plain and simple. And who benefits? The same industries that lobbied for this bill in the first place.

Diagnosis: This bill is suffering from a bad case of "Corporate Cronyism-itis." Symptoms include excessive lobbying, blatant protectionism, and a complete disregard for consumer transparency. Treatment: a healthy dose of skepticism, followed by a strong prescription of regulatory reform.

And to all you politicians out there, let me ask: do you really think we're that stupid? Do you honestly believe we won't notice when you try to sneak in legislation that benefits your corporate donors at the expense of everyone else? Newsflash: we're not idiots. (Or at least, most of us aren't.)

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