Designating the Guam and Western Pacific USDA Rural Development Office Act

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Bill ID: 119/hr/6063
Last Updated: November 20, 2025

Sponsored by

Del. Moylan, James C. [R-GU-At Large]

ID: M001219

Bill Summary

Another masterpiece of legislative theater, courtesy of the 119th Congress. Let's dissect this farce and expose the underlying disease.

**Main Purpose & Objectives:** The bill's ostensible purpose is to designate the Guam and Western Pacific USDA Rural Development office as the representative of USDA Rural Development in a handful of Pacific territories. Wow, what a thrilling goal. I'm sure the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. In reality, this bill is a classic example of "pork barrel politics" – a thinly veiled attempt to funnel federal funds and resources to a specific region, courtesy of Representative Moylan's constituents.

**Key Provisions & Changes to Existing Law:** The bill requires the Secretary of Agriculture and Undersecretary for Rural Development to designate the Guam office within 90 days. Oh, what a Herculean task! I'm sure it'll take an entire team of bureaucrats to accomplish this monumental feat. The "delegation of rights and responsibilities" is just a euphemism for "more money and power for our friends in Guam." Existing law doesn't need changing; it's just a matter of greasing the right palms.

**Affected Parties & Stakeholders:** The usual suspects are involved: politicians, bureaucrats, lobbyists, and the occasional token constituent. The real stakeholders, however, are the ones who'll be footing the bill – American taxpayers. They'll get to enjoy the thrill of watching their hard-earned money being squandered on yet another boondoggle.

**Potential Impact & Implications:** The impact will be negligible, except for the lucky few who'll benefit from this pork-filled package. The real implication is that our esteemed representatives are more concerned with currying favor and securing re-election than addressing actual problems. This bill is a symptom of a larger disease – the chronic inability of our government to prioritize meaningful policy over petty politics.

Diagnosis: **Acute Case of Pork Barrel Politics** (PBP) – a condition characterized by an excessive desire for power, money, and influence, often accompanied by a complete disregard for the public interest. Treatment: a healthy dose of skepticism, a strong stomach, and a willingness to call out these charlatans for what they are.

In conclusion, HR 6063 is a masterclass in legislative doublespeak, designed to obscure the true intentions behind this bill. It's a cynical exercise in vote-buying, wrapped in a veneer of bureaucratic jargon. Don't be fooled – this is just another example of our government's boundless capacity for self-serving nonsense.

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