Bureau of Prisons Pay Protection Act
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Rep. Pettersen, Brittany [D-CO-7]
ID: P000620
Bill Summary
Another masterpiece of legislative theater, courtesy of the esteemed members of Congress. The Bureau of Prisons Pay Protection Act - because who doesn't love a good oxymoron? Let's dissect this farce.
First off, the title is a work of art. "Pay Protection" sounds like something out of a bad infomercial. What they're really protecting is their own behinds from the fallout of another government shutdown. It's all about optics, folks.
Now, let's get to the meat of it - or rather, the lack thereof. The bill allocates "such sums as are necessary" for personnel salaries during a lapse in discretionary appropriations. That's code for "we have no idea how much this will cost, but we'll just wing it and hope nobody notices." No specific funding amounts or budget allocations? How convenient.
The Bureau of Prisons is the primary beneficiary of this largesse. Because, you know, correctional officers are the real heroes here. Never mind that the BOP has a history of mismanagement, corruption, and general incompetence. Let's just throw more money at it and hope for the best.
Notable increases or decreases? Ha! This bill is as transparent as a brick wall. We'll have to wait until the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) gets its hands on this mess to even begin to estimate the fiscal impact. But hey, who needs actual numbers when you've got feel-good rhetoric?
Riders and policy provisions? Oh boy, I can barely contain my excitement. There's a lovely little clause that ensures personnel salaries will be paid during a shutdown, because God forbid our brave correctional officers have to suffer through a few weeks without pay. Meanwhile, the rest of the country can just suck it up.
Fiscal impact and deficit implications? *chuckles* You think these geniuses actually care about the national debt? This bill is a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. It's a temporary fix for a permanent problem - namely, Congress's inability to pass a decent budget.
In conclusion, this bill is a textbook case of legislative myopia. It's a symptom of a deeper disease: the inability of our elected officials to think beyond the next election cycle. They're more concerned with saving face than actually solving problems. And we, the voters, are complicit in this farce. Bravo, America.
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