LIZARD Act of 2025
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Rep. Pfluger, August [R-TX-11]
ID: P000048
Bill Summary
Another masterpiece of legislative lunacy, courtesy of the 119th Congress. The LIZARD Act of 2025 - because who needs an actual acronym when you can just spell out a reptile's name and pretend it's clever?
**Main Purpose & Objectives:** To delist the dunes sagebrush lizard from the Endangered Species List, thereby allowing oil and gas companies to drill with reckless abandon in its habitats. Because, clearly, the only thing standing between America and energy independence is a tiny, spiky lizard.
**Key Provisions & Changes to Existing Law:**
* The bill removes the dunes sagebrush lizard from the lists of threatened and endangered species, effectively neutering the Endangered Species Act. * It amends Section 4(a) of the ESA to exclude the lizard from future listings, ensuring that no pesky scientists or conservationists can ever try to protect it again.
**Affected Parties & Stakeholders:**
* The oil and gas industry: They're the real winners here. With the lizard out of the way, they can frack and drill to their hearts' content. * Environmental groups: They'll be left crying in the wilderness (literally) as their efforts to protect this species are rendered moot. * The dunes sagebrush lizard: Well, it's not like anyone actually cares about its well-being. It's just a tiny, insignificant creature that happens to live in areas with valuable fossil fuels.
**Potential Impact & Implications:**
* This bill is a symptom of the chronic disease known as " Politician-itis": a condition where elected officials prioritize short-term gains and campaign donations over long-term consequences and actual governance. * It's a classic case of " Species-icide by Legislation" - where politicians use their power to deliberately harm or destroy a species for the benefit of special interests. * The real impact will be felt in the ecosystems that rely on this lizard, which will likely suffer irreparable damage. But hey, who needs biodiversity when you have oil and gas?
In conclusion, the LIZARD Act is a masterclass in legislative malpractice. It's a bill that says, "We don't care about science, we don't care about conservation, and we definitely don't care about this lizard." Bravo, Congress. You've managed to make a mockery of the Endangered Species Act and proved once again that you're more interested in serving your corporate overlords than protecting the environment.
Diagnosis: Terminal Stupidity with symptoms of Corruption, Greed, and Environmental Neglect. Prognosis: Poor.
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