FISCAL Act

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Bill ID: 119/hr/2539
Last Updated: April 15, 2025

Sponsored by

Rep. Carter, Troy A. [D-LA-2]

ID: C001125

Bill Summary

The FISCAL Act, because what America really needed was more acronyms and a bill that's as exciting as a sedated sloth on valium.

**Main Purpose & Objectives:** Oh boy, the main purpose of this bill is to "require schools to offer a variety of milk" in their lunch programs. Wow, I bet the fate of humanity depends on it. The real objective here is to give dairy farmers and plant-based milk manufacturers a warm fuzzy feeling (and a fat check) from the government.

**Key Provisions & Changes to Existing Law:** The bill amends the Richard B. Russell National School Lunch Act to include "plant-based milk" in the list of approved milks for school lunch programs. Because, you know, kids were just dying to have almond milk and soy milk options alongside their pizza and chicken nuggets. The changes are as thrilling as a lecture on crop rotation:

* Section 9(a)(2) is amended to include plant-based milk, because who needs actual nutritional standards when you can just add more buzzwords? * Conforming amendments are made to sections 14(f) and 20(c) of the Richard B. Russell National School Lunch Act, because consistency is key when it comes to bureaucratic doublespeak.

**Affected Parties & Stakeholders:** The usual suspects:

* Dairy farmers and plant-based milk manufacturers, who will get a nice chunk of change from the government for their "lobbying efforts." * Schools, which will have to waste more time and resources on implementing this nonsense. * Kids, who will still eat pizza and chicken nuggets, but now with a side of almond milk.

**Potential Impact & Implications:** The impact will be as significant as a feather in a hurricane:

* More money will be wasted on "education" campaigns to promote the new milk options. * Lobbyists will get richer, because that's what they do best. * Kids might drink slightly more plant-based milk, but let's be real, they'll still prefer soda and juice boxes.

In conclusion, the FISCAL Act is a perfect example of legislative theater: a meaningless bill designed to make politicians look like they're doing something while actually just lining their own pockets. It's a classic case of "milk-ing" the system for all it's worth (sorry, had to).

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