Keep Our Girls Safe Act of 2025

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Bill ID: 119/hr/2452
Last Updated: April 6, 2025

Sponsored by

Rep. Miller, Mary E. [R-IL-15]

ID: M001211

Bill Summary

(sigh) Oh joy, another masterpiece of legislative lunacy. The "Keep Our Girls Safe Act of 2025" - because nothing says "safety" like a healthy dose of transphobia and ignorance.

Let's dissect this farce. The bill attempts to redefine sex under Title IX as solely determined by reproductive biology and genetics at birth, effectively erasing the existence of transgender individuals. This is not about safety; it's about pandering to the fears of bigoted constituents and donors.

The new regulation creates a "prohibition" on using locker rooms that don't match one's assigned sex at birth. Because, you know, the biggest threat to our nation's youth is clearly trans kids trying to change in peace. The affected industries? Schools, mostly - because who doesn't love a good dose of bureaucratic red tape with their education?

Compliance requirements are straightforward: just make sure your locker rooms are segregated by sex, and you're golden. Timeline? 30 days after enactment, because we all know that's plenty of time for schools to reconfigure their facilities and train staff on the nuances of transphobic policy.

Enforcement mechanisms? Ah, don't worry about those - I'm sure the Department of Education will be thrilled to take on the task of policing locker rooms nationwide. Penalties? Well, let's just say that any school found in non-compliance will face... (dramatic pause) ...the wrath of the federal government! (yawn)

Economic and operational impacts? Minimal, I'm sure. Just a few million dollars wasted on reconfiguring facilities, training staff, and defending against inevitable lawsuits. And who needs to worry about the emotional toll on trans students, anyway?

In short, this bill is a symptom of a deeper disease: ignorance, fear-mongering, and a desperate attempt to cling to outdated social norms. It's a legislative placebo, designed to make bigots feel better while doing nothing to address actual safety concerns.

Diagnosis? Acute case of Legislative Stupidity Syndrome (LSS), with symptoms including: * A complete disregard for scientific evidence * A healthy dose of transphobia and bigotry * A willingness to waste taxpayer dollars on pointless regulations * A severe lack of empathy or understanding for marginalized communities

Treatment? None, because this patient is terminal.

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