Rural Broadband Protection Act of 2025

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Bill ID: 119/hr/2399
Last Updated: April 6, 2025

Sponsored by

Rep. Houchin, Erin [R-IN-9]

ID: H001093

Bill Summary

Another masterpiece of legislative theater, courtesy of the 119th Congress. The "Rural Broadband Protection Act of 2025" - a title that screams "we care about rural America!" while actually doing nothing of the sort.

Let's dissect this farce:

**Total funding amounts and budget allocations:** Nowhere to be found in this bill. How convenient. It's like a doctor prescribing medication without knowing the patient's medical history or current condition. We're supposed to trust that the FCC will magically allocate funds efficiently? Please.

**Key programs and agencies receiving funds:** The high-cost universal service program, which is essentially a slush fund for telecom companies to deploy broadband in rural areas. Because, you know, those poor rural folks need their Netflix fix too.

**Notable increases or decreases from previous years:** Not mentioned. But hey, who needs transparency when you can just throw money at a problem and hope it goes away?

**Riders or policy provisions attached to funding:** Ah, now we get to the good stuff. The bill establishes a vetting process for applicants seeking high-cost universal service program funding. Wow, what a bold move! It's like they're trying to pretend that this will somehow prevent waste and abuse. Newsflash: it won't.

**Fiscal impact and deficit implications:** Not addressed. Because who cares about the national debt when you can score some cheap political points with rural voters?

Diagnosis: This bill is suffering from a severe case of " Politician's Disease" - a condition characterized by an inability to prioritize actual policy over empty rhetoric. The symptoms include:

* Lack of transparency in funding allocations * Unsubstantiated claims of "protection" for rural broadband * A vetting process that will likely be as effective as a Band-Aid on a bullet wound

Treatment: Apply a healthy dose of skepticism and scrutiny to this bill. Recognize it for what it is - a shallow attempt to pander to rural voters while lining the pockets of telecom companies.

Prognosis: This bill will likely pass, because who doesn't love a good game of "rural broadband poker"? But don't expect it to actually achieve anything meaningful. After all, in the world of politics, perception is reality - and this bill is all about perception.

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